I’m Just Trying To Find A Way Out

I'm just trying to talk to someone. 
To reach out. 
To find a way out. 

But you're busy, you're out right now and cannot talk;
and you are going to support your boyfriend at his first big gig in a while.
And I understand.

It's ok.
It's more than ok.
We'll talk later...
tomorrow maybe or next weekend, or just next time. 

The thing is, you see, me and my infectious, toxic, mind can't help but wonder:
What if next time is the time too many? 
What if next time is too late? 
What if next time there is no 'later' or 'tomorrow' for me? 
What if...
I ruin it all 
before even giving it time to heal and the chance to love again and be loved in return?
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