Little autumn list

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Leaving France has never been extremely hard for me… Leaving London, on the contrary, has always been a kind of heartbreak. It’s always been painful to me because I was leaving a part of my self behind. And once I was back in France, I did all I could to try to find this piece of me in all the tiny details I could stumble upon. But they were never as prevailing as in London.

So… starting this new chapter of my life in London is not only about living a dream, it’s also about reuniting with all the pieces of my heart I once left there.

I know I know myself better than I did yesterday but still not as well as I’ll do tomorrow, and I think being in London for a while, becoming who I want to become, is going to help me figure out what more of me I still have to discover.

Leaving France has never been extremely hard for me… until now. Somehow this time is different… I mean leaving France feels different. It’s harder than it’s ever been. It is just not quite the same as it was when I left two years ago.

Do you want to know what’s changed?

I made friends. I made real good friends who became like other roots of my tree. Other reasons for me to come back. To them. Wherever that might be. Wherever they are.

Last Wednesday, I reunited with my closest ESTRI friends and it made me so happy. I was not content with the end of my chapter so I needed to write a better one and I did… Seeing them and catching up with them brought the ending message to the ESTRI chapter, which was something like: “Go now, go live your dream, go make it happen, enjoy… we’ll always be here” their eyes whispered, pointing at my heart, “we’ll see each other very soon. Take care now!”.

And since then, I’m ready. I’m ready to go and overcome everything. Because I know I’m not alone. Not anymore.

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And in order for me to start this new academic year the best way possible, I made a list. Not a list of good resolutions because those are only vain. But a list of projects, a list of promises to myself that’ll keep me going…

  1. Becoming a one-off journalist.
  2. Getting inspired every single day.
  3. Starting to dance again.
  4. Finding a German student group or something similar so that I can keep on practising Goethe’s language a tad more.
  5. Keeping my promise to write letters to one of my best friends, and exchanging millions of words from one heart to another.
  6. Booking my tickets to go see some friends in Germany.
  7. Taking photos. Loads of them.
  8. And keeping on watching the world around me with glittering eyes and an open heart.

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Qu’est-ce qu’une rentrée ? La rentrée n’est pas la fin des vacances ni la reprise du travail, c’est surtout… une promesse… un rendez-vous amoureux… un désir qui va obtenir satisfaction… un projet qui donne envie d’exister… un mariage avec l’inconnu.
(…) 
J’aime cette idée que, annuellement, une vie différente nous attend. A quarante ans passés, je veux croire toujours que les deux mois de l’été, comme l’incubation d’une larve, nous permettent de devenir autres, nous offrant une hallucinante poussée de croissance qui nous rend « plus grands » en septembre. 
Il n’y a que les historiens et les comptables qui comptent les années à partir de janvier… Nous, dans notre cœur, à sa subite accélération, aux perspectives neuves qui s’annoncent, nous ne ressentons un changement qu’à l’automne. 
- Eric Emmanuel Schmitt

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Agenda from ban.do & purchased at Paperchase

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2 Comments

  1. Rich
    21st September 2015 / 9:32 PM

    Excellent use of the word “tad”!

    • 22nd September 2015 / 9:20 AM

      haha thank you Rich :p ! x

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