I was in the winter of my life, and the men I met along the road were my only summer.
At night I fell asleep with visions of myself, dancing and laughing and crying with them.
Three years down the line of being on an endless world tour, and my memories of them were the only things that sustained me, and my only real happy times.
I was a singer – not a very popular one,
I once had dreams of becoming a beautiful poet, but upon an unfortunate series of events saw those dreams dashed and divided like a million stars in the night sky that I wished on over and over again, sparkling and broken.
But I didn’t really mind because I knew that it takes getting everything you ever wanted, and then losing it to know what true freedom is.
When the people I used to know found out what I had been doing, how I’d been living, they asked me why – but there’s no use in talking to people who have home.
They have no idea what it’s like to seek safety in other people – for home to be wherever you lay your head.
I am dedicating this post to the adorable people I met in England & I view as my friends today, to Caroline Behan (the funny, faithful and true friend), Becky Murray (the very supportive and sweet but slightly crazy friend), Laura Payne (the thoughtful friend and one of the nicest girls on earth), Jamie Ward (the sensitive « gangsta » & big brother friend) and Melody Wilson (the popular girl… but the nice one ^^ ! #haha).
« No, this is not the beginning of a new chapter in my life; this is the beginning of a new book! That first book is already closed, ended, and tossed into the seas; this new book is newly opened, has just begun! Look, it is the first page! And it is a beautiful one! » – C. Joybell C.
Strength & Love… that’s what a new beginning usually brings back into your life! It starts with a smile, a hello, a simple name or just a door that is held. In fact, it starts when you meet THOSE people! It starts when you feel like you’re home when you look THEM in the eyes…
And there is ONE thing you feel… You feel butterflies! You feel butterflies in your stomach, you feel like everything has changed in a burst of light and after a while (and that’s precisely where I am now!) you feel like you just wanna know THEM better, because they are the people who made your heart beat again, the people who showed you, proved you there was hope when everything was dark around you (or at least not very bright :p!). Lisi Harrison once wrote « It was an image I would never forget. Or was it the emotions the image conjured – hope, excitement, and fear of the unknown, all three tightly braided together, creating a fourth emotion that was impossible to define. It was getting a second chance at happiness and it tickled like swallowing fifty fuzzy caterpillars. » That’s how I felt when I met them… It’s a bit like welcoming the new year, full of unknown and exciting things that have never been.
You can start so many things with new friends! They have a picture of you that is so pure and new and fresh! My new friends don’t see the girl I used to be because I don’t want them to see her, I don’t want them to see the depressed, insecure and quite fragile girl I was… I don’t want that because this girl doesn’t really exist anymore, she got rid of all her burdens and she’s more than ever ready to move on! There is nonetheless Carl Bard who reminds this: « Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending. » So in short, it’s all about second chances… And because these people I’ve quoted at the beginning showed me a whole new world, a world where there’s more happiness I’ve never thought there could be, because they maybe unconsciously offered me this second chance, and because they are also giving me the perspective of another ending (an happier one!); for all these reasons, you’ll probably better understand why I can’t go back to where & who I used to be, why I can’t live the rest of my life in France and become the girl I was again (I love my homeland, my friends and my family… this has nothing to do with them in particular, but with the situation some of them created).
So all I’m gonna do now is not count the days, hours, minutes and seconds that separate me from England, from the hearts of my friends, well from home actually (because you know your home is, above all, in the hearts of the people you love and who love you!), BUT I’m gonna make every day, every hour, every minute and every second I’ll spend with THEM count! It’s been a too long time now I’m living like I’m not alive that I am NOT not going to take every opportunity to start over and finally live the way I’m supposed to (if this makes any sense?! :/)!
I will simply finish this post with a quote of Roman Payne, once more witnessing how travelling help you realise where & who you belong with…
« Cities were always like people, showing their varying personalities to the traveller. Depending on the city and on the traveller, there might begin a mutual love, or dislike, friendship, or enmity. Where one city will rise a certain individual to glory, it will destroy another who is not suited to its personality. Only through travel can we know where we belong or not, where we are loved and where we are rejected. »
Everything’s pretty clear to me now! I’ve found my safe place… in England, a place where I feel at ease. I’ve met a lovely bunch of people I now consider home (yes I’m talking about you who saw their names coloured in orange at the beginning of this article :p !!! ^^). In fact, I’ve found those people and that place, giving me that happy-cry feeling! And honestly, aren’t those things some of the most important things there are in life?!
Every night I used to pray that I’d find my people, and finally I did on the open road.
We had nothing to lose, nothing to gain, nothing we desired anymore, except to make our lives into a work of art.
Live fast. Die young. Be wild. And have fun.
I believe in the person I want to become.
I believe in the freedom of the open road.
And my motto is the same as ever:
« I believe in the kindness of strangers. And when I’m at war with myself I ride, I just ride. »
Keep holding on to what you love, my sweet readers & enjoy the ride of life (you never know where it might lead you! Look!)
Much love to you all <3