As you know, I came back from London on Sunday night and Monday will be my first day of class of this third and last year at my university in France… and I’ve got sort of mixed feelings.
I feel very sad and teary almost all the time (even though I’m trying my best to hide it behind smiles and laughs) and by the way, I know I haven’t been the loveliest daughter or granddaughter or best friend or even sister since I came back and I’m so sorry about that but I guess my family and friends need to understand that I need time to come back… again. I know I won’t recover from this time in London… I never have anyway. It’s just going to take days and weeks and months to sort of get me back on my feet. I say ‘sort of’ because there will still be this emptiness inside my heart and body telling me something’s missing… It’s an awful pain that never really goes away, a feeling that grips your ribs and twists them to bleeding when you leave this amazing city that is London! This was the 7th or 8th time I was leaving THE city and the UK in general and I can now write with certainty this time was more difficult than the previous one – it literally tore me down.
But at the same time, I feel excited. I feel excited because I have this great project of studying in London for my MA and I also want to feel excited and be positive & optimistic saying & actually repeating to myself every single day that these are the last 9 months I’ll spend in France.
So ‘mixed feelings’ because I guess there’s still this nostalgia of a brilliant summer and the excitement & fear of a last year at university. I will tell you more about this amazing summer, during which I enjoyed working at Malvern House and met amazingly lovely people in another special post… but now has come the time to write about what’s present (or rather close future), in other words Monday, or as I like to call it the beginning of an end.
Indeed, this third year of university won’t be a long quiet river but an hectic and restless adventure that will hopefully & eventually lead me back to the UK. I started doing some research about Masters Degrees and universities in London this summer and I now have got a good list of roughly 10 courses. It seems that I will try to apply for several creative writing, dramatic writing or art journalism courses but the hardest is still to come… I need to rank them :/ Which one should I put first? And second? And then comes all the paperwork revolving around a university application, the quest for any scholarship I could benefit from, the tons of questions I still have to ask… All this in addition to my uni work, my search for a placement and maybe job for next summer, and my blog! I made the decision to stop tutoring people at weekends outside university because I’m way to scared not to be able to cope with everything so… I’m sorry for the lovely students I’ve been working with for years now :( but I hope they understand this is an important time in my life and I need to be just a bit selfish and focus on my studies and orientation only this year.
I chose to write all this down in this post, in which I’m actually supposed to introduce you to my diverse office supplies (which I’ll do in just a minute – I promise!), because I thought that was a good ‘sort of ‘ transition between London and my coming back to school!
So now… seriously speaking, please find below the list of my displayed office supplies…
✏ London-themed Oliver Bonas stickers offered by my lovely people at Malvern House ♥ to comfort me and remind me of the city of my heart when my this one’s feeling too much pain missing its home…
✏ Travel stickers from My Little Summer Box (July) – SEEN >>HERE<<
✏ London mug – because life’s so much better with a cup of tea!
✏ My Oliver Bonas Satchel, which has been my big crush of this summer and which I got half price :D :D :D!!! Plus Oliver Bonas has been THE so British shop of my time in London – cannot not recommend it!
✏ Paperchase UK diary as a reminder of my wanderlust :)
✏ Happy Jackson ‘SERIOUS’ notebook I completely fell in love with and I’ll use as my vocabulary notebook!
✏ Happy Jackson ‘FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS’ plastic document wallet as a reminder of perseverance – never giving up no matter what and always keeping in mind what I’ve aways worked so hard for and shall keep on working even harder for!
✏ Hello Kitty pens – just because they’re sooooo cute!
✏ Waterstones ‘Books I want to read & Books I have read’ notebook – a very practical tool offered by my lovely people at Malvern House ♥ ‘for someone who always has a book in their hands’, they say :)
✏ Paperchase London postcard I’m using as a bookmark for my diary :D
✏ Paperchase Summerville notebook offered on my birthday by two of my fiends from work ♥
I hope you’ve enjoyed this post and also that you won’t be too mad at me if I sometimes can’t publish as much and as often as I’d like to this year…